Right…. i need to be positive so i have an action plan !!

My Action Plan (to win him back)

 Just ignore him completely

Ok, well that’s not going brilliantly so far but we need contact for the kids! I however, will not contact him unless it is for the kids! Two reasons for this 1. we will always need decent contact to ensure there is no tension felt by kids. 2. i have a habit of drinking too much wine and sending pointless, nasty or begging texts!! (Shame, Shame) 

keep in the back of your mind that no situation is completely hopeless

Yes i know i need to work on myself and i will. However, if this marriage is over i need to know i did everything i could to save it. Do i think i can win him back…? Yes i do but, i have caused a lot of damage and hurt over a long time and i have going to have to show commitment and patience and takes things really, really slow! I need to stay optimistic. I want him not to hate me at the very least. 

 Think carefully about why it was that you broke up in the first instance

Begging, shouting, crying, being nasty and emotional blackmail hasn’t worked! I’m not proud of my actions. I’ve been a foolish bitch! There is a ‘nice’ me….she just got lost! 

Try and be the girl your man first fell in love with

I was a strong, independent, happy and upbeat girl! I was fun to spend time with! I’m not now! I’m stressed and moany, selfish and sad!! I will work on myself to get the happy, kind me back.

Those all important first words: think about what you will say

I need to back off from talking about the relationship! I’m thinking (not yet) that i am going to ask him if we can work on being friends again! I think i need to say sorry for being a nutter but not yet! Work on the friendship first! 

Look at how you can use the past to your advantage

We have had some really, really good times! I might frame some pictures of him and the kids. I have loads on my walls already but i think it would remind him of good times and more importantly i think the kids would like it! He will always be their dad even if he’s not my husband.

Listen carefully to his choice of words

Yes, this is a big one for me! In the past i have heard what i want to hear and maybe not what he’s saying.

Establish whether your ex still cares about you

He cares but i’m not sure if he loves me! But i am going to give myself six months to try and win him back! End of January is my cut off date (if he doesn’t divorce me before). I love him and i hope i can make him fall back in love with me again.

See whether he’s prepared to do something together with you that is non-committal

I have to be really careful with this one! I think its going to take a fair bit of time before he’ll be ready to do this! My plan for this month is to get him to come in for a quick cup of tea when he drops the kids off….small steps!!

Not sure what to do about my daughters birthday which is in the up coming weeks! Its difficult because i don’t want to involve my kids in my POA but he is their dad and birthdays are special….this needs more thought, closer to the time!

Let him know that your thoughts had recently turned to him

I think this may take a few months to get to this stage! I hope i get to this stage! I would love to tell him today that i still love him but i don’t want to put any pressure on me! 

Enhance your appearance if it’s in need of some attention

Ha….yes some work needed here!

Be yourself and stop worrying about how people might perceive you

When i found out about his affair this was a huge concern for me…. its so not now!

Always keep in the back of your mind that no situation is completely hopeless

This is my mantra! Only positives can come out of my attempt to win him back! Even if he doesn’t want me back at the end of it hopefully i will be a better me for it.

If you’ve given it your all and reconciliation doesn’t work, move on

Ok….i am wayyyyyyyy off this stage yet xx

Related articles

• Marriage on the sword-edge? Think about your children (bondsnbinds.wordpress.com)
• My Story On How I Saved My Marriage (new-moving-meditations.com)
• 5 Ways “Taking Space” Can Save Your Marriage. ~ Candice Holdorf (elephantjournal.com)
• Convincing A Spouse To Save The Marriage – Is It Possible? (healthstream.typepad.com)

Day Five (since my heart broke)

I know it’s really early days but i miss M. I hate having no contact with him! I am really starting to see the reality of this whole situation! I fear our marriage really is over for him! As i sit here i just don’t see a future without him! Don’t get me wrong i will cope and in time i’m sure i will meet someone else (don’t want too) but just not speaking to him for five days is horrible!

I would like to think he is led in bed thinking about me, missing me but…i know he’s not! He is planning his future without me! I love him, I love him, I LOVE HIM!!!!!!

What do i do? What can i do? Can i win him back? He loved me so much and now nothing! I can feel the panic deep within my heart, i can feel the tears at the back of my eyes, i feel sick, tired and so sad! xx